The relationship with Steven went too far. Mary couldn’t think of anyone but him and their shared future. She hoped that over time she would persuade him to leave — there was a whole year left until the end of school, during which much could change. But it didn’t happen.
Even upon learning of the pregnancy, Steven remained adamant. «I don’t know what to say,» — he sighed when the young and inexperienced Mary told him the news. «You understand: we have no money, no roof over our heads. What will we give the child? Why does he need such parents?»
Mary herself was shocked by the early pregnancy. She didn’t want to raise a child in poverty. Condemning a son or daughter to the same poor life as her own was unthinkable. Steven didn’t dare say that the best way out would be to terminate the pregnancy — his tongue wouldn’t turn. But Mary understood everything without words. She thought about it but feared the consequences. «What if I can’t have children anymore?» — she pondered.
There was no other way out. Fortunately, the local doctor turned out not to be talkative. Upon learning of her request, he immediately scheduled the date for the procedure. «Just don’t delay,» — he warned. «You understand everything yourself.»
The night before, Mary couldn’t sleep. Closing her eyes, she saw a little girl begging her: «Mom, Mom! Why? For what?» Opening her eyes, Mary chased away the vision, convincing herself that it was just a figment of her imagination. «I don’t even know who I’ll have,» — she told herself. — The term is too small, it’s not a person yet, just a set of cells.» But deep down, she didn’t think so. Mary always believed that the soul arises long before birth. She tried to convince herself otherwise, but it didn’t work well.
In the morning, she went to the doctor. Samuel Peterson noticed that his granddaughter was not herself and asked what happened. «Nothing,» — Mary brushed it off, — everything’s fine, just tired, headache.» «Take care of yourself, my girl,» — he whispered, stroking her head. Mary almost burst into tears but held back. Citing school, she broke free from his embrace. «Sorry, Grandpa, I have to run.» «Of course, of course,» — he replied, kissing her and seeing her to the door.
After the procedure, Mary felt an emptiness that, it seemed to her, nothing could fill. She was in pain and anxious. She feared that the procedure hadn’t gone smoothly and would lead to the consequences she so dreaded. Her intuition didn’t fail her.
Years later, as an adult and wealthy woman, Mary turned to the best specialist in the city when she couldn’t get pregnant for a whole year. The verdict she heard morally destroyed her. She burst into tears right in the doctor’s office. «What did you expect? — the doctor threw up her hands. — You didn’t just terminate the pregnancy, but did it so barbarically that it couldn’t help but lead to infertility. Nature doesn’t forgive if you go against it. Changing this is not in my power, nor in yours.»
That same day, Mary broke up with her beloved man, with whom she had lived two happy years. She threw him out the door without explanations. He didn’t understand why, and there was no point in telling him. «Who needs me now? — she asked herself, looking in the mirror at the tear-stained woman. — What normal man would want a family without children?»
Infertility became a blow for Mary, with which she couldn’t reconcile for a long time. Every night she dreamed of that girl from the visions before the procedure. «Mom, why did you kill me? — the little one sobbed. — Why? What did I deserve? You treated me unfairly. I love you.» Mary tried to grab her, hug her, but the girl dissolved in the fog. Waking up, she curled into a ball and cried, unable to stop the tears.
And then a new day began: work, hustle, meetings, negotiations. «Who needs all this? — thought Mary. — Money, success, opportunities — for whom, if there’s no one to pass it on to?» After her grandfather’s death, she increasingly thought that there was no point in living. Days became gray and monotonous, flying by unnoticed, and everything around seemed hopeless. Mary couldn’t find support to regain her former activity and joy. Time can’t be turned back.
The image of her unborn daughter haunted her, and she couldn’t get rid of it. And now, sitting at the cemetery and talking to her grandfather, Mary again felt the presence of that little girl. She turned her head to where the vision had appeared and saw her again. But, looking closer, she realized it wasn’t a hallucination.
Behind the neighboring grave sat a girl of about ten years old. She was fiddling with a homemade wreath and crying bitterly. «Lord, poor child,» — thought Mary, her heart clenching. What is she doing here alone? Where are her parents?
After hesitating for a long time, Mary finally approached the girl and placed her hand on her shoulder. She flinched. «Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,» — the woman murmured guiltily. — I just wanted to talk.»
After a few minutes, the girl calmed down and began to tell her story. Listening to her, Mary couldn’t hold back her tears. She understood that fate had given her a chance. «I must atone for my sin,» — she thought. — God arranged this meeting for a reason.»
The fate of little Natalie was not easy. The girl became an orphan early and lived with her grandmother — her only close person. But fate took her away too. After her grandmother’s death, Natalie was taken to the children’s home. She had no relatives, and there was no one to hope for.
The conditions in the home turned out to be terrible. The caregivers took out their anger on the children, fed them meagerly, the beds were cold and creaky. Natalie painfully remembered the warm bed in which her grandmother tucked her in. But she had to survive.
The only consolation was that the caregivers hardly supervised the children. They could leave whenever they wanted. Natalie took advantage of this, regularly running away to the cemetery to her mom and grandmother. She gathered wildflowers, brought them to the graves, and cried, remembering her loved ones. It seemed to her that there would be no happiness in her life.
«My poor thing,» — whispered Mary, having listened to the girl and stroking her head. «Why is fate so unfair to you? You’re still a child, and you’ve already experienced so much grief.» «I ask my mom and grandmother every time why they left me alone,» — sighed Natalie. — But they don’t answer. They’re in heaven now and watching my suffering.»
«What are you saying? — exclaimed Mary. — They didn’t do it on purpose, they didn’t want this. It just happened that way.» «This is the wrong fate,» — the girl lamented. — Why do others have parents, and I’m alone and needed by no one?»