A simple letter confirming the amount, the purpose, and whether it’s a gift or a loan can make all the difference later. I learned that the expensive way. And if you are watching someone in your family being isolated—a mother being pushed out, a father being kept at arm’s length, or a grandparent following a laminated list of rules just to sit on a beige couch for two hours—say something.
Not in a way that creates a bigger conflict, but say something. Because the person being isolated often can’t see it clearly from inside. They’re too busy following the rules. Last month, Noah lost his first tooth.
He called me on the phone immediately afterward, while the gap was still bleeding a little, and he was so proud he could barely finish his sentences. I drove over and took a photo of him grinning his new gap-toothed grin. I sent it to Michael, kept one for myself, and put a copy in the frame on my kitchen windowsill next to the one of Diane holding him in the hospital the week she died.
She would have been completely insufferable about that tooth. She would have called everyone she knew. She would have made a whole thing out of it. I like to think she heard him on the phone, wherever she is. I like to think she’s still keeping track.